Today I tried to make cupcakes. Tried being the keyword.
Normally, I’m a genius at whipping up cupcakes. A freaking genius, I tell you. I love cupcakes of all kind. I especially love when they are dense, moist (terrible word to use, I know), and filled. Yes filled. Cookie dough is one of my favorite fillings. And chocolate ganache. Oh. My. Yummness.
Even though life is super crazy (getting ready for craft night that’s happening this Saturday… You can read about that here) I had this burning desire to make cupcakes. And not just cupcakes from a box (which does happen from time to time), but real, honest-to-goodness-from-scratch cupcakes. I scoured Pinterest (because let’s face it, I’m not recipe-developing genius) and found the perfect salted caramel filled cupcakes. The picture looked heavenly. I was drooling for a good 5 minutes or so. It happens.
I made the cupcakes yesterday and ended up overcooking them. Womp womp. I told myself it was all going to be alright because I was going to fill them with this heavenly homemade salted caramel filling which would take away from the fact that they were dry and hard as a rock.
So, I attempted the caramel filling today. And that was a disaster. The recipe said to melt down your sugar, add in some butter, take it off the stove immediately, and then pour heavy cream into it, slowly of course, and you would be left with this ooey, gooey caramel sauce.
LIES! ALL LIES!
I was left with a clumpy, gooey mess that somewhat resembled caramel sauce. The cold cream seized up when it hit the hot sugar mixture. I had a feeling that would happen, but I decided to follow the recipe it just didn’t work out.
Never fear! I have a plan! I took out all the lumps and was left with some of the sauce. I could fix this, right? I stuck the caramel filling in a bag and started to pipe it into the rock hard cupcakes. Well, the frosting tip that I was supposed to poke the cupcakes with got stuck with a lump of sugar that was left in the sauce. Grreeeaaatttt…. No matter what I did, it couldn’t be fixed.
So, I threw everything away. I felt totally guilty and thought of all the hungry people out there that would love to eat rock hard cupcakes, but there was no way I could salvage these!
So now, I have about 24 cupcakes in the bottom of my trash can. I’ll just try my hand at a box mix tomorrow.
Such is life, friends. Such. Is. Life.
Just like everything went wrong with these cupcakes, I feel like everything in life has gone wrong the past few months. Details may come later at some point, but emotions are so very raw right now, and I want to sort them out before I share the full story.
And believe me, I will share the full story. One day. My whole purpose is if I can help someone with sharing my experiences, and help someone know they’re not the only one that sucks at life sometimes. It happens to the best of us.
This whole winter has just had me all out of sorts. Stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness… I’ve had it all. And on top of it, I’ve been extremely homesick. My whole family came up in November for Ava’s baptism and I was able to see everyone then, but I just wasn’t in the state of mind to enjoy their company. Again, that’s another story for another day.
The rain this year has been unbearable and hasn’t helped my jumble of emotions. The short days coupled with the pounding rain just wore down my soul.
But just like burnt cupcakes, sometimes you need to throw out the old and begin again. I did that about a week ago by chopping my hair. Sounds funny, but it’s helped me heal. I’ve always had a pixie cut and for the past couple of years I’ve grown it out longer than I’ve ever had in my life. It was fun, beautiful, and I received tons of compliments, but it just wasn’t me. I prefer something low maintenance, easy to style. Uncomplicated. So, I made the appointment and chopped my hair. I feel like a new woman (and kind of like a boy, because it’s so short right now! Eek!).
And then today, I walked outside and found these plants starting to grow in my front yard. Since we moved in 4 months ago, I haven’t done anything to the front yard. There are 3 giant rosebushes that I plan to remove this spring, but all landscaping and clearing out of the junk that’s there was going to be saved for springtime.
Imagine my surprise when I saw these poking through the soil. It put a smile on my face at 9 am when I was dropping my girls off at school. I came home, opened the curtains, let the sun (yes, SUN! Here in Oregon!) stream through and cleaned to my heart’s content. While cleaning, I just thought about that little miracle outside. After such a terrible winter, these flowers are determined to bloom and to grow.
I learned a lesson from them and the burnt cupcakes today.
Start over. Put the old behind you. Learn from it. Then bloom where you are planted. Whatever the circumstance. Wherever you are. Because you never know when you might bring a smile to someone’s face when they need it the most.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to scour Pinterest for a new cupcake recipe. Nah, who am I kidding? I’ll just use up one of the 12 boxes hiding in my pantry.